


Truth

by Walker_August



Category: Mission: Impossible, Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 01:00:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17033308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Walker_August/pseuds/Walker_August
Summary: August Walker x reader, August tells you the truth about his job





	Truth

You’ve noticed it before, the way August withdraws from the conversation when you start to talk about his work. To begin with you were still too wrapped up in him to think twice about it. But as the relationship moves forward the more aware you are of his hesitation. Though you’ll never admit it to him it hurts you, because you’ve shared everything with him and he doesn’t feel comfortable enough to talk about…whatever it is that he’s holding back. And you have tried to talk about it, to drop it in to casual conversation, to subtly hint that you’d like to know more, that he can tell you anything. But it doesn’t work.

You’re not sure what it is that makes him unwilling to talk about it, because to you it feels like shame – but what could make him feel that way? You know he travels a lot, you’re more than aware of that, and that he earns enough to afford small luxuries. Even though some rebel part of your brain tells you to do it, you refuse to be the suspicious girlfriend who rifles through his stuff looking for clues. You care about him too much to betray his trust like that. You really want this to work, because he means the world to you, but how can it succeed in the long run if he’s hiding things from you now?

You’ve just decided that the only thing you can do is bite the bullet and address it when he hits you with a “we need to talk”, four words that have never ended well for you before. The way he says it, the obvious apprehension in his voice, makes your stomach turn with fear. Is this it? Almost a year, and he’s ready to end it? He takes a seat and you follow suit, and the worry must be so clear on your face because straight away he takes you hand in his. He strokes his thumb over the back of your hand lightly, soothingly, as he starts to talk.

“It’s nothing like that, I promise. I need you to listen to me, ok?” He keeps his voice even and calm, and you nod your head and try to relax. He takes a breath and continues “I haven’t been honest with you, and you don’t deserve that.”

“This is about your job, isn’t it?” you ask when he pauses.

“It is. Don’t think I didn’t notice you trying to get me to talk about it. I appreciate that you did, because other people would’ve given up on me and left long before now. I know if I keep this pretence up you’ll have to give up too, and that’s the last thing I could ever want. I love you and you’ve bared your all to me time and again, so I’m following your example. I want to be deserving of your love more than anything, but you shouldn’t decide that I am until you’ve heard everything”. He shifts just slightly, taking a moment, it’s like he’s trying to remember words to a speech and you wonder how long he’s been going over this. “You know that I work for the CIA, that was never a lie. But what I do…well it’s a lot more involved than what I told you”

Your thoughts turn almost immediately to secret agents and those spy movies you used to love when you were younger. Diffusing bombs and fighting the bad guys. Saving the world. But you don’t say anything, letting him talk until you’re sure he’s given you everything, just grateful that he’s finally opening up.

“I work for the special activities division. It’s a covert operations unit mainly working on foreign soil” That explains why he’s never here. “I…uhm…I have a certain skill set that caught their attention years ago” He stops, hesitant to continue, he’s been keeping eye contact with you for most of his speech but now he looks down. There is shame there but also fear, like he’s worried about your reaction to what he says next.

“So, you’re a spy?” you offer, still imagining that romanticised image that fiction has given you. You’re trying very hard to keep your emotions on lock down until he’s done, but there’s one thing that crosses your mind and terrifies you – the danger of it. The risks. Suddenly the unexplained cuts and bruises, the ones he brushes off as results of the combat sports he does, they all make more sense. The disheartened, preoccupied August when he comes back after a while away – you can understand him better. He moves his hand away from yours bringing you back to the here and now.

“I’m an assassin”.

Silence. You wonder if you’ve misheard him but you don’t want to ask him to repeat himself, scared to hear it again. He watches your face for a reaction, noticing when you move slightly away from him. “Assassin. You…kill people?” you say it, trying to gauge how it makes you feel. The August you know wouldn’t hurt a fly, is kind and gentle and full of love. It’s such a juxtaposition, even though you see him and you know that he’s built for it – he would be more than capable of overpowering most. But he wouldn’t, not your August. “How do you-” you shake your head, start again, arms hugged against your body as you start to accept his words “Do they deserve it?”

“It’s not like that, I don’t make the choices. I’m given a name and a location and I get the job done. You don’t ask questions of the CIA”

“And do you enjoy it?” your words are little more than a whisper. The hurt in his eyes is immediate and you regret the question straight away.

“It was never what I planned on, this wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life – but it is what I’m good at and I can’t ignore that fact. There are parts of the job that I do enjoy, but the parts you’re asking about? Truthfully I don’t feel anything. I think I’m desensitised to them.” He falters, concerned that his choice of words is wrong, preparing for the worst in his head the whole time. After a moment he gently takes your hand again, testing the waters and while you slightly flinch at the contact you don’t draw away, a small drop of hope. “I need you to know that I would never hurt you, and I would never let any harm come to you because of this. I love you. So much. But if you want me to leave, I completely understand”

You can tell that he absolutely thinks you’re going to tell him to go and it almost breaks you. “August. I’m not sure how to feel right now, I don’t know what the right reaction is. But one thing I do understand is that you are more than what you think you are. I know you, don’t forget that. Maybe I only know one facet of you, but the man I know is more than worthy of my love.” You allow yourself to move closer to him again, bringing your hand up to cup his cheek, and he leans in to you, eyes closed. It’s what he needed to hear, what he didn’t believe. “I have questions, and it might take me some time to get used to the idea of it. In the meantime, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

August exhales, feeling part of a weight lifted off of him. “That’s more than enough for me” he tells you, turning his head to lightly kiss the palm of your hand.

He’s aware that this was the easy one, that telling you about the other work he plans to undertake is where he truly faces losing you – and one day he will have to confront the crushing dread he feels at the thought of that. But for now you’re still there and he’s allowing himself to fall even more deeply in love with you.


End file.
